Practical Joke # 593

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It has been requested that I tell this tale, so I will. An impromptu joke…or should I say funny, mean-spirited, story.

After 4 pitchers of great German beer and chicken dancing at Oktoberfest, I was festive and following our rather large group around the festival laughing and smiling without a care in the world. Now a current trend that was extremely popular at this time was for women to hold a hand out like a stop gesture while turning their heads away this gesture’s popular meaning was “Talk to the hand because the head ain’t listening”. It just so happened that I watched a girl do this to a guy 15 feet from me and since I was already laughing it made it that much funnier to see this guy get rejected that way. Rejected already and then having some random guy horse laughing like a Jackass was apparently too much for the man so he lunged at my waist! He spilled my good German Beer! That’s when the voice in the back of my drunken head told me what to do… I reached down underneath the man and grabbed him by his manhood and picked him up by it and his neck. I looked around and seen a dumpster! I threw him head over heals into the seven-foot high dumpster! Every one  in my group was shocked. And I was even asking myself if I really just did that? My answer came in the form of the man crawling out of the dumpster covered in mustard,beer, and wet nastiness! My phone started ringing and I was starting to laugh again as he came out and acted like he was going to hurt me. I answered my phone and was giving one of my group members drunken directions to where we were and the guy started trying to attack me again. I kept my distance while laughing and talking on the phone by circling with him and pushing his head away every time he tried to lung in.

Just then, two female officers hit the guy one high and one low! He hit the dirt and I suddenly felt almost sorry for him, so I walked up to what was going on and said  “Officers…Officers! there has been a mistake…he’s one of us.  He wont give anyone any more trouble and we’ll drive him home right now if you let him go. They agreed and we walked off toward the exit with my hand on his back. As we were crossing the bridge I said “now fella…we can either finish this or go on our separate ways…which is it?” he said “Aw…man were cool.” I said “are you sure now…I ‘ll be pissed if you try to sucker me.” He said it was cool and we went on but I had my hand on his back at first with the full intention of throwing him in the water off the bridge if he held a grudge.What a wild night!

This has been a favorite story of many of my friends through the years. And the moral of this story don’t tug on superman’s cape or spill his beer without kryptonite. And try to avoid confrontation… it makes you look like an ass.

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